DID YOU STICK HER IN THE TRUNK?

Madeline Island, part of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. The Witching Hour. Moon and Alma have summoned Whiz, a ghost- who has knocked out Moon and cast a spell on Alma. For more, see previous posts.

ALMA

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from? It’s beautiful. (shivers) It’s freezing.

Whiz takes off her jacket, puts it on Alma, who is clearly dazed and confused.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thanks. Hey! Let’s take a ride. I got to get in that car- it’ll take me where I need to go- won’t it? Won’t it, lady? Why don’t you talk? Well, whatever. I’m getting in the car, and going where I’m going, and you need to come with me. Don’t ask me why I know, I just do. So come on!

Alma runs off. After a moment, we hear the phantom car peel out and drive off. Moon groans, sits up.

MOON

What happened? (looks around) Where’s Alma?

Whiz shrugs, looks over at the trunk.

MOON (cont’d)

Did you stick her in the trunk? What is wrong with you, lady? I swear to God, if you hurt her-

Moon runs over to the trunk, looks in.

MOON (cont’d)

What the...what is that? Is that...Holy Crap..it is, isn’t it? Hello? Not the chatty type, are you? Well, listen up, Spooky- this trunk is mine. I found it, fair and square, and everything inside of it is mine. And I am taking that- (points into trunk)- and then you’re telling me where Alma is. Or I’m calling the cops! Got it?

Moon reaches into the trunk, tries to pull something out, but it’s stuck.

MOON (cont’d)

What is this, super-glued in there or something? (pulls harder) Come on, come to daddy! (pulls harder, then climbs into the trunk to get better footing) Ow! Something bit me! Damn it! (tries again to pull the thing loose) Ow! Bit me again!

Moon kneels deeper in the trunk, trying to pry whatever it is loose. As he does, Whiz walks over and slams the lid shut.

MOON (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Open up! Hello? Lady? Come on, let me out! Oh my God, it stinks in here! Hello? Lady? Listen, I won’t call the cops, okay? Just let me out of here! Lady? Hey! Let me out, or I swear to God I will kick your ass! I am not kidding! You are in for a world of hurt! Lady? Let me out of here!

The phantom car is heard pulling up, and a car door is heard opening and closing.

MOON (cont’d)

Hello? Hey, over here! Anyone? Hello!!! This crazy lady has locked me in this trunk.! Hello? Help!

After a beat, Alma runs on.

ALMA

Are you coming or not?

MOON

Alma? Alma! I’m in the trunk! The crazy lady locked me in here! Alma, you won’t believe what I got in here! It’s awesome! Come on, baby- get me out of here, and our troubles are over!

ALMA

(to Whiz) Lady, I am heading out in my new ride. And you’re coming with me, and I’m gonna film the whole thing on my Android. It’s gonna be like Thelma and Louise meet Ghost Hunters meet NASCAR. It’s perfect.

MOON

Alma! Can’t you hear me? I’m in the trunk!

Whiz walks to Alma, and they start to leave.

ALMA

Wait...I’m forgetting something.

MOON

Me! You’re forgetting me, Alma! Get me out of here!

ALMA

Something...I don’t know...

MOON

Moon! Me! You’re boyfriend!

ALMA

You ever have something right on the tip of your tongue but you can’t place it?

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night and remember. Come on!

Alma and Whiz walks off. After a moment, the phantom car is heard peeling out and driving off.

MOON

Hello? Hello!?! Get me out of here!

Moon kicks from inside the trunk, as the lights fade.

You can find more of my stuff here.

DON'T MAKE ME KICK YOUR ASS (HONEYBOY PART 4)

In the middle of the night, on an abandoned race track, Alma and Moon are trying to raise a spirit from the dead. A strange woman has just popped out of a seemingly empty trunk. (see previous posts for more)

MOON

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

Whiz stares at Alma, then at Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hello? Closed set. Get out of the trunk.

Whiz slowly steps out of trunk, walks over to Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thank you. In a few months, you’ll be able to see this on one of your basic cable channels.

Whiz grabs Moon by the front of his shirt, pulls him to her. She smells his face, runs her hands across his back, then kisses him full on the mouth. 

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey!

At first, Moon resists, then kisses Whiz back. Abruptly, he falls to the ground, unconscious.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Whiz begins to slowly circle Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Fair warning- I know Tae Kwan Do. Kee-Yah!

Alma strikes a ridiculous martial arts pose. Whiz stops.

ALMA (cont’d)

Scares you, doesn’t it? Now I don’t want to hurt you, and you don’t want to be hurt, so let’s all chill and figure out what’s what. First, who the hell are you?

Whiz takes a step towards Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Easy, lady. Don’t make me kick your ass.

Alma takes a swing at Whiz. Whiz grabs Alma’s hand easily. Alma drops to her knees as if struck with a bolt of lightening. Whiz kneels in front of her, takes Alma’s face in her hands, then kisses her. The phantom sound of a single car roars offstage. Alma stands, looks off.

ALMA (cont’d)

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from?

...To Be Continued.

ENTER GHOST (HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVER MIST PART 3)

Moon and Alma have come to a deserted race track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. They hope to raise the ghost of Honeyboy Jack Schaefer and film it on their smart phone, so that they can get on a paranormal tv show. They are alone, with an old trunk they have dragged along with them. Things have started to get a little funky. See previous two posts for more.

MOON

Oh my god!

An old car engine revs offstage, loudly. Then several car engines rev- it sounds like a race track right before a race. The sound builds and builds, until it's almost deafening.

ALMA

This is awesome! Go stand by the trunk and tell us about summoning Honey Boy!

MOON

Are you crazy? We have to get out of here!

Suddenly, the sounds stop. Silence. Moon and Alma stare at each other.

ALMA

I think I got all that recorded. Do you know what this means?

MOON

That a bunch of ghost cars are out to get us?

ALMA

We’re gonna be on tv! Travel Channel- maybe Discovery. I don’t know. But our troubles are over!

The trunk moves again, and then its lid opens.

MOON

(whispers) Did you see that?

ALMA

Go see what’s inside.

MOON

(whispers) No way!

ALMA

Moon, I love you- and I am so glad you found that trunk- but if you don’t suck it up and get over there, I swear to God I will find someone else to be on the show!

MOON

Alma-

ALMA

I swear to God!

MOON

Fine!

Moon slowly inches over to the trunk, and manages to peek into it.

MOON (cont’d)

It’s empty.

ALMA

Serious?

MOON

See for yourself.

Alma, still filming with her smart phone, walks up to trunk.

ALMA

Oh crap! My battery’s almost out!

MOON

I thought you charged it!

ALMA

This isn’t happening!

Alma walks downstage. Moon follows.

MOON

Should we still do the summoning thing?

ALMA

Yes, Moon! Jesus, what is wrong with you? If we don’t get the ghost of Honey Boy to come help you win that race tomorrow- no prize money. No prize money, loan sharks break thumbs.

MOON

Don’t mention the loan sharks with the camera on.

ALMA

Just shut it!

Unseen by Alma or Moon, WHIZ stands up from inside the trunk. She is a tough race car driving lady from the late 1940’s. 

MOON

Why’re you yelling at me? I’m not the one who forgot to charge the smart phone.

ALMA

Android! 

MOON

Whatever. God! You are such a B-I-... you know what!

Moon turns, sees Whiz, freezes.

MOON (cont’d)

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

...To Be Continued.

TITAN APPETITES

So I shot a short film, and now I am raising funds to finish it. The movie is STRONG TEA. It's a dark comedy about a really horrific family dinner. For whatever reason, most people seem to be able to relate to a Thanksgiving that ends up with screaming and yelling, hurt feelings, and awkward silences. It stars Timothy McCracken, Devon James, and Adrian Egolf. And they are amazing. The footage is so good, and what we have is, in my humble opinion, out of this world. Now, we need to edit, mix, add soundtrack, and then enter film festivals. And, of course, this takes some bucks. So I thought I'd share a little bit of the script, and then give you all the link to the Indiegogo site where you can help in two ways: by either contributing financially, or sharing the link via Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, etc. Naturally, I would love it if you could do both. But any and all help is greatly appreciated. So, here is a little taste of Strong Tea:


INT. KITCHEN - MINUTES LATER
ALVIE STANDS AT THE COUNTER, MAKING A POT OF TEA.  MOLLY ENTERS WITH SOME DISHES, WHICH SHE PLACES BY THE SINK.

MOLLY
I am stuffed.

Alvie looks at several pies laid out on the counter.

ALVIE
Do you think we’ll skip dessert?

MOLLY
We never skip dessert.

ALVIE
Never?

Molly dips her finger in a bowl of whipped cream.

MOLLY
We could each eat a pound of fried grease-

Molly smears some whipped cream Alvie’s cheek.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
Set a pie in front of us-

Molly licks the whipped cream off his face.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
We chow down.

Alvie nervously backs away from Molly.

ALVIE
Your family does have titan appetites.

Molly backs Alvie into a corner.

MOLLY
We like what we like.

Molly leans in very close to Alive, almost nose to nose.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
A lot.

Alvie maneuvers around Molly back to the tea kettle.

ALVIE
Molly, please. What happened was wrong.

Molly nods in agreement.

MOLLY
Yes it was. Fun, dirty and wrong. Of course- I have confessed our sin-

ALVIE
You confessed?!?!

MOLLY
To the Lord, and He has forgiven me.

Molly begins to pull dessert plates out of a cupboard.

ALVIE
The Lord has forgiven you, but not me?

Alvie grabs her by the shoulders.

ALVIE (CONT’D)
You were the one who got into the shower!

MOLLY
I was weak-

ALVIE
While my wife- your own sister- was out getting cigarettes.

Molly backs away from Alvie.

MOLLY
She promised us all she quit!


So that's a little bit of the script. I hope you liked it. Now, if you go HERE, you can see our Indiegogo page, and help make this movie a reality.

iMcAllister- Chapter One

I McAllister. I write blog. Today first blog in life. I think I like. Don't really get why I is "i" these days, but what Hell? i go with flow. Talk like Sasquatch sometime. Great book, you should all read. Call something like "Bigfoot, i not dead".
Good news- i liberal commie and i think we win this November.
Why?
McCain-Palin are Bridge to Nowhere.
Serious.
Okay, now i will stop talking like that.
But this really is my first blog. Many more to come, i assure you.
i intend to write about whatever floats into my head each time i get in front of the computer. Sometimes, it'll be about politics and why i think the GOP is a cabal set on the destruction of civilization as we know it. Other times, it'll be about my life- like how my dog barks too much or how i always boil my coffee when i reheat it. Often, i'll be trying to use this blog to get word out about something going on that i want people to know about.
Like the fact the my play Burning the Old Man is going to be produced in Prague this April at the theatre Vaclav Havel did most of his plays at. It's already translated into Czech. Putovani S Urnou. That's the title in Czech. Prague is called the City of Magic, and is the capital of Bohemia, and is also where i got married. It's really beautiful, and i think you should go there. Say, April next year. And while there, go to the theatre. In fact, go to Divadlo na Zabradli.

So, I guess you can surmise I am a commie pinko leftist bleeding heart who is sort of ego-centric.
And yes, I do believe in Bigfoot, UFO's, and ghosts. Doesn't everybody?