Open Letter to the Management
Dear Sir or Madam,
Would you read my book? Sorry, couldn't resist the Beatles reference. I don't really know quite how to address you- in my own little life, I've called you all sorts of things- God, the Great Master of All Scouts, the Cosmos, Loki, Odin, Zeus, the Goddess, Mother Earth, Crazy Bastard- let's face it, there are lots of names for you- but I think they all point to the same thing- you, the head honcho, Optimus Prime on a galactic scale. Anyway- here's the thing. I was driving along on my way to work this morning, listening to talk radio and drifting through my morning thoughts when I came upon a memory of this talk given at one of the many Young Life meetings I went to when I was in high school. It was an analogy about how you sacrificed your son to save the world. The analogy went something like this: a man was in charge of a draw bridge for trains. He had a son who was a little rambunctious. One day, a train was coming, and the bridge had just been raised to let a boat pass. The man got ready to lower the bridge. At the last moment, he saw that his son was goofing around under the bridge, and he realized that if he lowered the bridge, his son would die. He also knew that the train was too close to stop in time, and if he didn't lower that damn bridge, everyone on that train was going to die. The man had to decide what to do- and in heroic and tragic style, he decided to go for the greater good, lowered the bridge- and with tears in his eyes, waved at the people in the train as they passed. (that part of the story always struck me as a bit much- I mean, the dude just squished his son and now he's stoically waving as tears roll by? Give me a break) I thought the analogy off in that I am pretty sure that, if you exist and did indeed sacrifice your son so that people may life, you must have known about the whole resurrection thing- right? Yes, Jesus was not in the loop- but you are the Alpha and Omega, and nothing gets by you.
But I digress- I am writing you with a simple request- can you please lift the Curse of the Dumbino off of the NY Yankees? You know what I'm talking about- the curse that has been on them even since they let Pres. Dummy throw out a pitch in the 2001 World Series. Sure, they brought it on themselves by letting such a crass and obvious political ploy occur during the Fall Classic- but enough already. It's not like they traded a slugger/pitcher by the name of Ruth in order to finance a show. If you can't lift it outright, what do they have to do? Let Michael Moore throw out a pitch? Smear some lambs blood over the entrance to the stadium?
I am sure you are very busy, but if you could look into this matter, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Thanks in advance,