I EVEN SAW A GHOST

Well, it's almost 2023. How the hell did that happen? Didn't I just arrive in NYC fresh from college? Aren't I still a student at San Jose State? Aren't we all still living every moment of our lives, from as far back as our memories can travel, to now? 

What is going on here?

I have no idea. But, if I do indeed exists and this isn't all some sort of strange dream, then things are good. Life is fine and dandy. And since it is almost the end of the year, it is time for a little evaluation of the past year, of where I went, where I'm heading, and all that.

Isn't that what we all do? 

So, this year. 

I think I directed a few plays. And by a few, I mean a lot. Wedding singer. Wizard of Oz. A Midsummer Night's Dream. Rocky Horror Show. The Lightning Thief. SpongeBob Squarepants. The Addams Family. 

I like directing. Let's me boss people around. 

I also taught theatre, speech & debate, playwriting, and the basics of life, at places including The Denver Center for the Performing Arts; The Logan School for Creative Learning; and Reel Kids. 

I like teaching. Let's me boss people around.

I also wrote. Mostly worked on Lunatics and Assholes, a pilot for a show that is sort of a paranormal metaphor for the past few years. And also worked on Out of the Past. That's more fantasy, another pilot that's a monster of the week kind of thing, which I am digging immensely.

I like writing. Let's me boss my little made up worlds around.

I suppose I like to boss.

Keeps me off the streets. 

I also traveled quite a bit. California. New York. Wisconsin. Texas. Avalanche Ranch here in Colorado. Traveling, I think, is necessary in this life. Even if it's just a day long road trip to some town a few hours from where you live. You need to see something you don't see every day. Eat somewhere you've never eaten at before. Talk to a stranger. Look at mountain. Take a walk in a city you don't know.

It fills the soul. 

Also went to a wedding in upstate New York. That was amazing. Weddings are another time when we all reflect on ourselves, where we've been, what we've done, and all that, but through the lens of our relationships. 

And also where we stay up late dancing and laughing and having the time of our lives.

I always think of that line from Fiddler on the Roof. It takes a wedding to make us say let's live another day.

I say let's live another ten thousand or more. 

Let's just live. 

Let's travel and write and do what we love and talk to each other more and try to forgive and be forgiven, to hug more often, to be kinder when we talk about movies we didn't like, or a meal that maybe didn't go off as well as we had hoped.

The world is in a constant state of flux. 

Let's be cool with that. 

Also, I saw a ghost this year.

This is the second time I can say for sure I saw one. I wrote about the first one here: 

https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/7891430757253929065/770461654933686503

The one I saw this year was during the Austin Film Festival, which is a thing I love and plan on doing every year for the rest of my life. Just fantastic. Anyway. I was watching the film The Lost King, which I really enjoyed, when I noticed a tall figure out of the corner of my eye, standing in the aisle, like they were waiting to enter the row and find a seat. I turned to see them better, and nobody was there. About half an hour later, I saw the same person out of the corner of my eye yet again. And again, when I turned to look, nobody was there. And then, a little later, I saw someone in white, tall, clearly walking up the aisle towards me. 

And then they vanished. 

Now, it was dark, and the theatre was packed, and I figured maybe I was mistaken. 

But then I figured "No". 

I saw something. 

When the movie was over, I found the manager, and asked, feeling a bit ridiculous, if the theatre was haunted. 

She smiled this knowing smile, and asked me what had happened. When I told her, she informed me that things happen there from time to time, and that yes, the theatre was indeed haunted.

I shouldn't have been too surprised. I had some kind of mojo going during the festival. Things kept happening to me that didn't seem real. I was on a live podcast and somehow got a room full of hundreds of screenwriters to spontaneously start chanting "Kelly! Kelly! Kelly!" over and over. I met some shockingly cool and distinguished members of the industry. And I made some great friends. All in a matter of days.

You can here that podcast, which was an episode of the excellent ScriptNotes, here:

https://johnaugust.com/2022/live-at-the-austin-film-festival-2022

I think, to a large extent, my whole year was like that. Full of wonder and magic, friends and family, and a bit of the paranormal.

So. Happy New Year. God bless... Us. 

Everyone.

Here's to more blog entries, and screenplays, and shows produced.

To life.

DID YOU STICK HER IN THE TRUNK?

Madeline Island, part of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. The Witching Hour. Moon and Alma have summoned Whiz, a ghost- who has knocked out Moon and cast a spell on Alma. For more, see previous posts.

ALMA

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from? It’s beautiful. (shivers) It’s freezing.

Whiz takes off her jacket, puts it on Alma, who is clearly dazed and confused.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thanks. Hey! Let’s take a ride. I got to get in that car- it’ll take me where I need to go- won’t it? Won’t it, lady? Why don’t you talk? Well, whatever. I’m getting in the car, and going where I’m going, and you need to come with me. Don’t ask me why I know, I just do. So come on!

Alma runs off. After a moment, we hear the phantom car peel out and drive off. Moon groans, sits up.

MOON

What happened? (looks around) Where’s Alma?

Whiz shrugs, looks over at the trunk.

MOON (cont’d)

Did you stick her in the trunk? What is wrong with you, lady? I swear to God, if you hurt her-

Moon runs over to the trunk, looks in.

MOON (cont’d)

What the...what is that? Is that...Holy Crap..it is, isn’t it? Hello? Not the chatty type, are you? Well, listen up, Spooky- this trunk is mine. I found it, fair and square, and everything inside of it is mine. And I am taking that- (points into trunk)- and then you’re telling me where Alma is. Or I’m calling the cops! Got it?

Moon reaches into the trunk, tries to pull something out, but it’s stuck.

MOON (cont’d)

What is this, super-glued in there or something? (pulls harder) Come on, come to daddy! (pulls harder, then climbs into the trunk to get better footing) Ow! Something bit me! Damn it! (tries again to pull the thing loose) Ow! Bit me again!

Moon kneels deeper in the trunk, trying to pry whatever it is loose. As he does, Whiz walks over and slams the lid shut.

MOON (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Open up! Hello? Lady? Come on, let me out! Oh my God, it stinks in here! Hello? Lady? Listen, I won’t call the cops, okay? Just let me out of here! Lady? Hey! Let me out, or I swear to God I will kick your ass! I am not kidding! You are in for a world of hurt! Lady? Let me out of here!

The phantom car is heard pulling up, and a car door is heard opening and closing.

MOON (cont’d)

Hello? Hey, over here! Anyone? Hello!!! This crazy lady has locked me in this trunk.! Hello? Help!

After a beat, Alma runs on.

ALMA

Are you coming or not?

MOON

Alma? Alma! I’m in the trunk! The crazy lady locked me in here! Alma, you won’t believe what I got in here! It’s awesome! Come on, baby- get me out of here, and our troubles are over!

ALMA

(to Whiz) Lady, I am heading out in my new ride. And you’re coming with me, and I’m gonna film the whole thing on my Android. It’s gonna be like Thelma and Louise meet Ghost Hunters meet NASCAR. It’s perfect.

MOON

Alma! Can’t you hear me? I’m in the trunk!

Whiz walks to Alma, and they start to leave.

ALMA

Wait...I’m forgetting something.

MOON

Me! You’re forgetting me, Alma! Get me out of here!

ALMA

Something...I don’t know...

MOON

Moon! Me! You’re boyfriend!

ALMA

You ever have something right on the tip of your tongue but you can’t place it?

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night and remember. Come on!

Alma and Whiz walks off. After a moment, the phantom car is heard peeling out and driving off.

MOON

Hello? Hello!?! Get me out of here!

Moon kicks from inside the trunk, as the lights fade.

You can find more of my stuff here.

DON'T MAKE ME KICK YOUR ASS (HONEYBOY PART 4)

In the middle of the night, on an abandoned race track, Alma and Moon are trying to raise a spirit from the dead. A strange woman has just popped out of a seemingly empty trunk. (see previous posts for more)

MOON

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

Whiz stares at Alma, then at Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hello? Closed set. Get out of the trunk.

Whiz slowly steps out of trunk, walks over to Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thank you. In a few months, you’ll be able to see this on one of your basic cable channels.

Whiz grabs Moon by the front of his shirt, pulls him to her. She smells his face, runs her hands across his back, then kisses him full on the mouth. 

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey!

At first, Moon resists, then kisses Whiz back. Abruptly, he falls to the ground, unconscious.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Whiz begins to slowly circle Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Fair warning- I know Tae Kwan Do. Kee-Yah!

Alma strikes a ridiculous martial arts pose. Whiz stops.

ALMA (cont’d)

Scares you, doesn’t it? Now I don’t want to hurt you, and you don’t want to be hurt, so let’s all chill and figure out what’s what. First, who the hell are you?

Whiz takes a step towards Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Easy, lady. Don’t make me kick your ass.

Alma takes a swing at Whiz. Whiz grabs Alma’s hand easily. Alma drops to her knees as if struck with a bolt of lightening. Whiz kneels in front of her, takes Alma’s face in her hands, then kisses her. The phantom sound of a single car roars offstage. Alma stands, looks off.

ALMA (cont’d)

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from?

...To Be Continued.

ENTER GHOST (HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVER MIST PART 3)

Moon and Alma have come to a deserted race track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. They hope to raise the ghost of Honeyboy Jack Schaefer and film it on their smart phone, so that they can get on a paranormal tv show. They are alone, with an old trunk they have dragged along with them. Things have started to get a little funky. See previous two posts for more.

MOON

Oh my god!

An old car engine revs offstage, loudly. Then several car engines rev- it sounds like a race track right before a race. The sound builds and builds, until it's almost deafening.

ALMA

This is awesome! Go stand by the trunk and tell us about summoning Honey Boy!

MOON

Are you crazy? We have to get out of here!

Suddenly, the sounds stop. Silence. Moon and Alma stare at each other.

ALMA

I think I got all that recorded. Do you know what this means?

MOON

That a bunch of ghost cars are out to get us?

ALMA

We’re gonna be on tv! Travel Channel- maybe Discovery. I don’t know. But our troubles are over!

The trunk moves again, and then its lid opens.

MOON

(whispers) Did you see that?

ALMA

Go see what’s inside.

MOON

(whispers) No way!

ALMA

Moon, I love you- and I am so glad you found that trunk- but if you don’t suck it up and get over there, I swear to God I will find someone else to be on the show!

MOON

Alma-

ALMA

I swear to God!

MOON

Fine!

Moon slowly inches over to the trunk, and manages to peek into it.

MOON (cont’d)

It’s empty.

ALMA

Serious?

MOON

See for yourself.

Alma, still filming with her smart phone, walks up to trunk.

ALMA

Oh crap! My battery’s almost out!

MOON

I thought you charged it!

ALMA

This isn’t happening!

Alma walks downstage. Moon follows.

MOON

Should we still do the summoning thing?

ALMA

Yes, Moon! Jesus, what is wrong with you? If we don’t get the ghost of Honey Boy to come help you win that race tomorrow- no prize money. No prize money, loan sharks break thumbs.

MOON

Don’t mention the loan sharks with the camera on.

ALMA

Just shut it!

Unseen by Alma or Moon, WHIZ stands up from inside the trunk. She is a tough race car driving lady from the late 1940’s. 

MOON

Why’re you yelling at me? I’m not the one who forgot to charge the smart phone.

ALMA

Android! 

MOON

Whatever. God! You are such a B-I-... you know what!

Moon turns, sees Whiz, freezes.

MOON (cont’d)

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

...To Be Continued.

HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVERMIST PART 2

Moon and Alma have come to a deserted race track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. They hope to raise the ghost of Honeyboy Jack Schaefer and film it on their smart phone, so that they can get on a paranormal tv show. See previous post for more.

ALMA

Just tell us about Honey Bun.

MOON

Honey Boy! (back to camera) So, I’m standing on the old dirt track where Honey Boy won his last race- before plunging into the ice water mansions of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

Moon! Stick to the script.

MOON

We are summoning the spirit of Honey Boy tonight, and he’s going to help me win tomorrows race.

ALMA

He better.

MOON

Do you really think they’ll break my thumbs if I don’t pay them back?

ALMA

Moon! Don’t bring up loan sharks when the cameras are rolling. And yes, they’ll break your thumbs. They’ll break every bone in your body. 

MOON

I can’t believe you talked me into going to them.

ALMA

I didn’t talk anyone into anything.

MOON

You’re the one who needed the money for the smart phone.

ALMA

It’s called an Android, dumb ass. Smart phone is a generic phrase. And the Android isn’t the problem. We’re four months behind on the rent, the repo man took my car-

MOON

I know, I know! At least I got the cable bill paid so we can watch Breaking Bad.

ALMA

Can we get on with the shoot please?

MOON

Fine! So, on this very spot, on a chilly September night Honey Boy won his last race. I have a picture of him holding the trophy. (pulls photo out of his pants pocket). Can you get a close up of this?

Alma moves in for a close up of the photo.

MOON (cont’d)

As you can see, next to Honey Boy is the love of his life, Whiz Winchester- the fastest lady driver back then. 

ALMA

She’s big- tall as Honey Boy.

MOON

Yep. A tall drink of water.

ALMA

What happened to Whiz after Honey Boy died?

MOON

Nobody knows. Some say she headed south. Some say she killed herself-

Suddenly, the trunk moves as if there is something very powerful inside, knocking Moon on to the ground.

ALMA

Moon, stop goofing around!

MOON

What are you talking about? That thing moved!

ALMA

The trunk?

The trunk moves again.

MOON

Oh my god!

An old car engine revs offstage, loudly. Then several car engines rev- it sounds like a race track right before a race. The sound builds and builds.

ALMA

This is awesome! Go stand by the trunk and tell us about summoning Honey Boy!

MOON

Are you crazy? We have to get out of here!

Suddenly, the sounds stop. Silence. Moon and Alma stare at each other.

ALMA

I think I got all that recorded!

To Be Continued...

HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVER MIST PART 1

The middle of a dirt track for stock car racing. MOON, a slacker in his 20’s, comes on grunting and dragging an old steamer trunk to the middle of the stage. He stops, lets the trunk drop.

MOON

Let’s do this. (a beam of light from off stage shines on his face) Howdy. I’m Moon Dog McCoy, and this is “Alma’s Anomalies, Episode One”! It’s about ten to three in the morning,and-

ALMA, Moon’s girlfriend, also in her 20’s, comes running on stage, smart phone in one hand filming Moon, flashlight in the other.

ALMA 

Witching hour! Stick to the script, do it again.

MOON

Do I have to say Alma’s Anomalies?

ALMA

It’s the name of the show, Moon! Kind of important.

MOON

It’s lame.

ALMA

Moon, are you directing this project?

MOON

No, but-

ALMA

Then shut it.

MOON

Alma, this is my deal. I’m the one who found the trunk, I’m the one summoning Honey Boy Jack-

ALMA

You’re the one who’s going to be sleeping on the couch tonight! Just say it the way we practiced,okay?

MOON

Fine!

ALMA

And can you face a little more towards me? I’m losing your voice when you turn too far.

MOON

Is the night vision app working?

ALMA

It’s awesome.

MOON

Is it all green like on Ghost Adventures?

ALMA

Totally. Now, let’s do it again. Go from the intro, and then we’ll do the Q and A with you sitting on the trunk.

MOON

Got it.


Alma moves to the edge of the stage, points phone and flashlight at Moon.

ALMA

Rolling.

MOON

This is Moon Dog McCoy, and this is Alma’s Anomalies. It’s about ten minutes before the Witching Hour. I’m standing in the middle of the old dirt track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands.

ALMA

Good, perfect. Now sit on the trunk and tell us about Golden Boy-

MOON

Honey Boy! Honey Boy Jack Schaefer.

ALMA

Fine- Honey Bun Schaefer.

MOON

Not funny. (sits on trunk) This is the fabled trunk that Honey Boy Jack had tied to the roof of his roadster, The Silver Mist, on the night he took his last ride.

ALMA

Can you tell our viewers who Honey Boy was?

MOON

The greatest racer that ever graced the fabled dirt tracks of Wisconsin’s North Woods! Ever! But on the night of his greatest triumph, he vanished into the chilly waters of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

I think it’s Kitchy-Koomi.

MOON

Gitchy-Gummi! Like in “The Wreck of the Evan Fitzgerald”.

ALMA

It’s the Edmund Fitzgerald, not Evan.

MOON

We should use that as the theme song!

ALMA

That’s a song about a ship wreck, not a car wreck.

MOON

It’s a cool song.

ALMA

Just tell us about Honey Bun.

MOON

Honey Boy! (back to camera) So, I’m standing on the old dirt track where Honey Boy won his last race- before plunging into the ice water mansions of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

Moon! Stick to the script.

MOON

We are summoning the spirit of Honey Boy tonight, and he’s going to help me win tomorrows race.


This is the first part of a new ghost play I'm working on. More to come, if the spirits are willing.

STILL SHE HAUNTS ME, PHANTOMWISE

Phantomwise. What a cool word. Thanks, Lewis Carroll. Or is it Mr. Dodgson? Whomever you are, your brain was superb. And I am haunted by many things, phantomwise. You can tell, if you read most of my stuff. I have all these people and places and songs and memories running rampant in my head, like some mad tribe of loonies- and whenever I am writing, they leap out of my head, escaped convicts wrongfully imprisoned in my mind. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but it's certainly true for me. If you come to the reading tonight of my latest play, APRIL'S FOOL, at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs, you'll see what I mean. It's at 7:30, and tickets are only $5. So what's you're excuse? The only person I am giving a hall pass to for missing tonight is my good friend Timothy McCracken, and that is because he is appearing in the Curious Theatre's God of Carnage- which by all accounts rocks, and you should all go see. (just don't see it tonight- come see my reading tonight)

So, since the play has so many phantoms, I thought I'd tell you about the one time I ever saw a ghost. Well, two ghosts, really. It was long ago and far away in the land called New York City. I was living on the upper east side, in this apartment that was given the name Castle Von Doom by the great Vinnie Penna. Lots of crazy things happened there- parties, people, moments in time that are part of the make up of a lot of people. It was this split level apartment with one true bedroom, and its own backyard, which is beyond rare in NYC. At one time or another, over twenty artists have lived there. When I met the ghosts, I was splitting the downstairs area with my brother Jerry. One night, Jerry was snoring loud enough to raise the dead- which seems to not be a figure of speech but what actually happened. I was laying in bed, yelling at him to please stop snoring. It was somewhere near 3 am. All of a sudden, I felt very calm, and sort of other-worldly. I can't really describe exactly what it was like- a sort of quiet feeling, as if I was watching what was happening to me from far away. There was a spiral stairway in the apartment, and something was moving on it. I turned, and saw a young girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old, and a little boy, maybe 5 or 6, coming down the stairs. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, the girl in front and the boy peeking out from behind her. We looked at each other for what seemed like a very long time, and then the girl spoke. "Don't be afraid", she said. "We just want you to know we are here. And there are many of us." She seemed very at peace. The boy did not. He looked kind of crazy- the crazy that happens to people who have had very bad things happen to them. I got the sense they were brother and sister. But I don't know. Then the girl said "We want to show you". And I was- well, given a vision. It was weird. I was still sitting in my bed, but they were showing me this huge room, full of people frozen in these strange positions. When I say the room was huge, I mean somewhere between a ball room and Grand Central Station. I can still see, clearly, this one lady frozen in emotion- either laughing or crying. Ever notice how similar the two are? Then, just as quickly, the vision was gone, and I was again sitting in my bed, and the two children were standing at the bottom of the stairs. Then they walked up the stairs, and sort of vanished as they climbed. And then I freaked out. I woke my brother up, who somehow slept through the entire thing.

I did not sleep that night.

So maybe I'm crazy. But that happened.

Come see the reading tonight and ask me about it. Again, it's at 7:30, at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs.