STAR EXPLODING IN SLOW MOTION

It's a little before 8 am here in Austin. I am sitting in an empty Driskill Bar, the main meeting place for the Austin Film Festival, having my first coffee, collecting my thoughts and recollections from the past few days, going to this blog to keep some sort of connection to the Not-at-the-Festival me. And to let out some of the newly minted ghosts that sell memories. 

Was standing in line for an oat latte with my fellow bleary eyed geniuses and lunatics, and the woman who runs the Festival got in line behind me. I thanked her for the Festival, and we got to chatting like people do here, and in one of those odd things that happen in life, found out from here how a friend of mine had recently committed suicide. I knew he was dead, that he had his last film in this year's festival, but I didn't know the cause. 

Now I do. 

I must have some defect in my brain, because I have never understood someone taking their own life. I know the world can be relentlessly cruel, that there is anger and sorrow and stupidity in abundant supply. I have spent plenty of time in confusion. But always, no matter what, I sense this great underlying beauty in the universe. An ocean of peace waiting to be waded into. 

I can't say much more without sounding like an insensitive asshole who doesn't understand depression, mental illness, or people who experience life the way I do. 

I just miss my friend and wish I could text him after seeing his film and tell him it was amazing.

So there's that.

I have other news of the festival to share, triumphs and surprises, new friends and fresh insights.

But for today, I will just say this. Life is... a tapestry that demands to be noticed, and touched, and reflected upon, and then noticed some more. It is that first cup of coffee in the morning. It is the little fights you get into with your significant other that seem so important at the time, then vanish with a smile at the most unexpected moment. It's a new piece of music you've downloaded but haven't listened to yet. It's a comedic short, a feature that didn't quite get it right, and also the discussion on the way out as you throw away your popcorn container. It is a symphony of birds and bats at dawn. 

And I love it so intensely. I love this world. I love it all. 

Here's a song. It's Star Exploding in Slow Motion by The Comet is Coming. I was told about it last night by a film maker named Kingsley I met here at the AFF. I am listening to it for the first time as I type this.