I am thinking of anger and resentment today. How it can warp our perspective, drive us mad, create monsters in the gardens. It is a strange, sad thing we all do, to various degrees. And worse, once we go down that primrose path, we try to reimagine the past, the events, reality, to create a different narrative, where we are totally in the right, and it was everyone else who was wrong. They are the monsters!
They!
Oh those nasty, horrible, wrong folks.
I suppose, if blaming others and going over wrongs both real and imagined helped me, made me happier in life and a more productive human being who had more friends, happier times, and all that, I would spend as much time as possible figuring out how the rest of the world screwed me over.
But I have never found that to be of use. I have had plenty of people in my life do unkind things. Usually this was due to something messed up in their lives, or maybe something I had no idea was going on. Sometimes, no doubt, they were just being shitty.
What to do?
I mean after removing oneself from source of pain. If someone is punching me in the face, I either punch back, run away, or call the cops. Then I vent. I try my best to express my rage and sorrow, because that can be oh so toxic when left inside to simmer and steep.
But I mean after that. After the fight, what does one do with all the hurt and anger and hard feelings?
I had a few years in high school where I was what is generally called a born-again Christian. I was at a place where I was carrying a lot of anger, a lot of sorrow, and a huge need to fix that. And the idea of forgiveness and acceptance was something I needed. Now, I didn't and don't believe in Hell, or organized religion, so that didn't last.
But the idea of letting things go; of moving forward, stuck.
It's a little selfish, actually, to forgive. Because ultimately, it is for me that I do it. Forgiving lets me move on. It's hard, and takes introspection, meditation, and honesty. And it's not like you forgive, and poof, all is well. The hurt still exists, and often whatever was done still has to be dealt with. And actions sometimes are required to ensure the same thing doesn't happen again and again.
I think a lot of people assume that forgiving someone means you are condoning whatever they do.
And that is not the case.
Not with me.
There are people in my life who have done some truly awful things. Petty things. Stupid things.
Some of those things are easy to get over. Others are more difficult.
Even worse, there have been times when how I perceive reality differs greatly with others, and so moving past things is basically impossible.
But I have to move on.
And that's just in my own life, my little circle.
On a national and global scale, there are all sorts of transgressions going on. Climate change comes to mind. I mean, there are people out there who know better, but due to greed and some defect in their soul, even though they know they are destroying our planet, continue defiling this delicate world.
I wonder if they believe the lies they tell about it? I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe they sort of know they are in the wrong, but do their best to think they are fine, upstanding people.
I have to forgive them as well. We need to stop them, and save the planet, and maybe throw them in jail.
But we don't need to fill ourselves with anger and resentment while we do it.
We can just save the planet, and live our lives as best we can.
It's hard. There's some truly nasty shit out there. People I think are insane, selfish, stupid, and/or horrible.
Maybe I'm saying this poorly. Maybe I am full of shit myself.
All I know for sure is that when I focus on the positive; when I try to get over things that have happened to me that are not so nice; when I try to love more and hate less, life gets better.
Every time.
So that's my Monday sermon.
Enjoy.
Here's a groovy song. It's Foot Stompin' Music by Grand Funk Railroad.
