I'M A ROOKIE. AND THAT'S OKAY.

I am a rookie in this thing called life. Sometimes I forget that, and assume I've learned all there is to learn about human interactions, friendship, love, music, art-- you name it. And that is clearly not the case.

I realized that this morning as I walked with Lisa. We get up early everyday, and after making coffee and writing in my journal, we head out for at least half an hour. This is something I highly recommend. Even if you are exhausted. Especially if you are exhausted. Get up, get out, and move through your surroundings. 

So, as we were walking and talking, as if we were characters in an Aaron Sorkin script, Lisa was telling me about this thing that happened to her when she was a young woman, and said "I was a rookie then", and went on with her story. 

And I thought, what a fantastic way to put it.

I was a rookie.

As in, I was a rookie in being a human being.

And I thought, well, not only is that an excellent use of language, but I am still a rookie. Right now. Today. As we walk and talk and discuss things and feel the crisp air that promises Autumn is on its way and are glad we are wearing sweaters even though just last week the thought of doing so would come across as lunacy it was so hot.

I am a rookie on this planet. I am still green around the ears. Rough around the edges. Not quite as refined as I think I am. 

And I felt this wondrous freedom as I realized that. A sense of both forgiving myself for the many mistakes I make on a daily basis, and also a lessening of the pressure on myself, imposed by my ego, to be wise and brilliant and all knowing.

Now, this doesn't mean I think I can act like a dullard, or be purposefully rude, or start taking selfies at inappropriate places and times. 

No.

That's not being a rookie.

That's being an asshole.

But I can, and will, feel free to admit when I don't know something. To try and listen to what others have to say, as it will almost certainly help me on my journey. To learn from my mistakes and hopefully grow from, instead of using them as a reason to bemoan my fate and wallow in self-pity. 

I feel like Stuart Smalley.

And that's okay.

I don't want to be all touchy-feely. But sometimes I am. 

I don't want to beat the shit out of myself when I fall short. But sometimes I totally do.

Rookie or not, I am on this team called the Human Race. And we are having a rough season. We seem to be in the process of destroying home field, there's a lot of infighting, and many questions about the coaching staff. 

But I think we can make it to the play offs if we get out shit together, show up for practice, and continue to work on our game.

Actually, I don't feel like Stuart Smalley. I feel like this next video, the first night HadesTown played after the shut down. I feel energized and good and ready to do some shit.

Yeah. That's the rookie feeling. I know life is sad, old, and full of love. I am alive. Everything is always new. Everything is always old. Everything is a fucking miracle.

And here's the song for today. Road to Hell from HadesTown.