MOSS
Fen, what’s is going on here?
FENWAY
What?
MOSS
Everyone's acting weirder than usual.
FENWAY
What are you talking about? I am totally fine. No- that's not true! Jesus, I feel old- what the fuck happened to me?
MOSS
Time, life, reality- the usual suspects. So, that's Big Jon?
FENWAY
Yeah, that's the Benedict Arnold of the Age of Aquarius. "Finding Me- Confessions of a Former Radical; A How-to Guide for Born-Again Conservatives". That's the eternal title of his latest, crapulous book. He should’ve called it "Asshole- a true story".
MOSS
Well, he-
FENWAY
You know why he became a born-again conservative? It made him famous again, for all of fifteen minutes.
MOSS
Why do you-
FENWAY
Of course, he's already spent every last dime he made off that piece of crap, and now he's back, living in his dead wife's house. The fucking ghoul! My sister built this commune from nothing! With money she sweated and slaved like a dog for because she believed! And Big Jon- that fake! He's never put a God damned penny into this place. All he's ever done is take, take, take! Starting with my sister Grace- all those years when he was in trouble with the law and underground - Christ, what kind of life was that for her? Away from her child, her family- everything that meant anything to her. Who do you think supported them, who took care of things? We did, idiots that we were. And Grace? She went and got cancer. And that was that. We didn't even get to go to the funeral- it was secret because he was in hiding. My own sister's funeral! The son of a bitch- can you believe that I used to admire him? We all did.
MOSS
Come on, Fen, you can’t-
FENWAY
We believed in him! We thought he stood for something, you know? Something profound, something sacred. We were gonna change the world, and take everyone to the promised land. Unfortunately, he was a false prophet. And still is. (pause) Benedict Fucking Arnold!
MOSS
Why do you think she married him?
FENWAY
Who? Grace?
MOSS
No, Madison.
FENWAY
Oh, who the fuck knows? Maybe he hypnotized her. He's a regular Svengali when it comes to women- but it's all smoke and mirrors. The Great man- ha! I'll tell you what he is- the Emperor. The Emperor's new clothes! Ha! My sister Grace- Sunny's mom- she was beautiful, gentle - every guy I knew had a crush on her. Seriously. Who does she fall in love with? Captain Shit-for-Brains. I don't understand women! (pause) And Madison- sexy, young, vibrant- she married that dried up old turd. Can you explain that to me?
MOSS
Is it a happy marriage?
FENWAY
Fuckity fuck no.
MOSS
Fuckity fuck?
FENWAY
What's so great about wasting the best years of your all too short life being true to Captain Fuckwad?
MOSS
I thought it was Captain Shit-for-Brains.
FENWAY
Whatever.
ZEHNER
What do you know about marriage, Fenway? Were you ever married? No, you weren't. But I was, man, and I know what it's all about. Sure, it was only for three days- and yeah, she left me for some guy she met at a Dead concert- but that's not the point.
FENWAY
What is the point?
ZEHNER
The sanctity of marriage, man. So what if she left me? I never left her. Never. That's love, dude. That's commitment! Sure, I'm a moron, but at least I'm a moron who can look at himself in the mirror each day and say, "Carry on, my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done". And here's the p.s. - she got old and ugly, the dude she left me for turned around and left her, and now she works at Denny's. So like the man said, all's well that ends well.
Now get out there and download your copy for about a buck fifty.
GET YOUR THEATRE ON!
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