DID YOU STICK HER IN THE TRUNK?

Madeline Island, part of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. The Witching Hour. Moon and Alma have summoned Whiz, a ghost- who has knocked out Moon and cast a spell on Alma. For more, see previous posts.

ALMA

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from? It’s beautiful. (shivers) It’s freezing.

Whiz takes off her jacket, puts it on Alma, who is clearly dazed and confused.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thanks. Hey! Let’s take a ride. I got to get in that car- it’ll take me where I need to go- won’t it? Won’t it, lady? Why don’t you talk? Well, whatever. I’m getting in the car, and going where I’m going, and you need to come with me. Don’t ask me why I know, I just do. So come on!

Alma runs off. After a moment, we hear the phantom car peel out and drive off. Moon groans, sits up.

MOON

What happened? (looks around) Where’s Alma?

Whiz shrugs, looks over at the trunk.

MOON (cont’d)

Did you stick her in the trunk? What is wrong with you, lady? I swear to God, if you hurt her-

Moon runs over to the trunk, looks in.

MOON (cont’d)

What the...what is that? Is that...Holy Crap..it is, isn’t it? Hello? Not the chatty type, are you? Well, listen up, Spooky- this trunk is mine. I found it, fair and square, and everything inside of it is mine. And I am taking that- (points into trunk)- and then you’re telling me where Alma is. Or I’m calling the cops! Got it?

Moon reaches into the trunk, tries to pull something out, but it’s stuck.

MOON (cont’d)

What is this, super-glued in there or something? (pulls harder) Come on, come to daddy! (pulls harder, then climbs into the trunk to get better footing) Ow! Something bit me! Damn it! (tries again to pull the thing loose) Ow! Bit me again!

Moon kneels deeper in the trunk, trying to pry whatever it is loose. As he does, Whiz walks over and slams the lid shut.

MOON (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Open up! Hello? Lady? Come on, let me out! Oh my God, it stinks in here! Hello? Lady? Listen, I won’t call the cops, okay? Just let me out of here! Lady? Hey! Let me out, or I swear to God I will kick your ass! I am not kidding! You are in for a world of hurt! Lady? Let me out of here!

The phantom car is heard pulling up, and a car door is heard opening and closing.

MOON (cont’d)

Hello? Hey, over here! Anyone? Hello!!! This crazy lady has locked me in this trunk.! Hello? Help!

After a beat, Alma runs on.

ALMA

Are you coming or not?

MOON

Alma? Alma! I’m in the trunk! The crazy lady locked me in here! Alma, you won’t believe what I got in here! It’s awesome! Come on, baby- get me out of here, and our troubles are over!

ALMA

(to Whiz) Lady, I am heading out in my new ride. And you’re coming with me, and I’m gonna film the whole thing on my Android. It’s gonna be like Thelma and Louise meet Ghost Hunters meet NASCAR. It’s perfect.

MOON

Alma! Can’t you hear me? I’m in the trunk!

Whiz walks to Alma, and they start to leave.

ALMA

Wait...I’m forgetting something.

MOON

Me! You’re forgetting me, Alma! Get me out of here!

ALMA

Something...I don’t know...

MOON

Moon! Me! You’re boyfriend!

ALMA

You ever have something right on the tip of your tongue but you can’t place it?

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night and remember. Come on!

Alma and Whiz walks off. After a moment, the phantom car is heard peeling out and driving off.

MOON

Hello? Hello!?! Get me out of here!

Moon kicks from inside the trunk, as the lights fade.

You can find more of my stuff here.

DON'T MAKE ME KICK YOUR ASS (HONEYBOY PART 4)

In the middle of the night, on an abandoned race track, Alma and Moon are trying to raise a spirit from the dead. A strange woman has just popped out of a seemingly empty trunk. (see previous posts for more)

MOON

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

Whiz stares at Alma, then at Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hello? Closed set. Get out of the trunk.

Whiz slowly steps out of trunk, walks over to Moon.

ALMA (cont’d)

Thank you. In a few months, you’ll be able to see this on one of your basic cable channels.

Whiz grabs Moon by the front of his shirt, pulls him to her. She smells his face, runs her hands across his back, then kisses him full on the mouth. 

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey!

At first, Moon resists, then kisses Whiz back. Abruptly, he falls to the ground, unconscious.

ALMA (cont’d)

Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Whiz begins to slowly circle Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Fair warning- I know Tae Kwan Do. Kee-Yah!

Alma strikes a ridiculous martial arts pose. Whiz stops.

ALMA (cont’d)

Scares you, doesn’t it? Now I don’t want to hurt you, and you don’t want to be hurt, so let’s all chill and figure out what’s what. First, who the hell are you?

Whiz takes a step towards Alma.

ALMA (cont’d)

Easy, lady. Don’t make me kick your ass.

Alma takes a swing at Whiz. Whiz grabs Alma’s hand easily. Alma drops to her knees as if struck with a bolt of lightening. Whiz kneels in front of her, takes Alma’s face in her hands, then kisses her. The phantom sound of a single car roars offstage. Alma stands, looks off.

ALMA (cont’d)

(dreamily) Where’d that car come from?

...To Be Continued.

ENTER GHOST (HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVER MIST PART 3)

Moon and Alma have come to a deserted race track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. They hope to raise the ghost of Honeyboy Jack Schaefer and film it on their smart phone, so that they can get on a paranormal tv show. They are alone, with an old trunk they have dragged along with them. Things have started to get a little funky. See previous two posts for more.

MOON

Oh my god!

An old car engine revs offstage, loudly. Then several car engines rev- it sounds like a race track right before a race. The sound builds and builds, until it's almost deafening.

ALMA

This is awesome! Go stand by the trunk and tell us about summoning Honey Boy!

MOON

Are you crazy? We have to get out of here!

Suddenly, the sounds stop. Silence. Moon and Alma stare at each other.

ALMA

I think I got all that recorded. Do you know what this means?

MOON

That a bunch of ghost cars are out to get us?

ALMA

We’re gonna be on tv! Travel Channel- maybe Discovery. I don’t know. But our troubles are over!

The trunk moves again, and then its lid opens.

MOON

(whispers) Did you see that?

ALMA

Go see what’s inside.

MOON

(whispers) No way!

ALMA

Moon, I love you- and I am so glad you found that trunk- but if you don’t suck it up and get over there, I swear to God I will find someone else to be on the show!

MOON

Alma-

ALMA

I swear to God!

MOON

Fine!

Moon slowly inches over to the trunk, and manages to peek into it.

MOON (cont’d)

It’s empty.

ALMA

Serious?

MOON

See for yourself.

Alma, still filming with her smart phone, walks up to trunk.

ALMA

Oh crap! My battery’s almost out!

MOON

I thought you charged it!

ALMA

This isn’t happening!

Alma walks downstage. Moon follows.

MOON

Should we still do the summoning thing?

ALMA

Yes, Moon! Jesus, what is wrong with you? If we don’t get the ghost of Honey Boy to come help you win that race tomorrow- no prize money. No prize money, loan sharks break thumbs.

MOON

Don’t mention the loan sharks with the camera on.

ALMA

Just shut it!

Unseen by Alma or Moon, WHIZ stands up from inside the trunk. She is a tough race car driving lady from the late 1940’s. 

MOON

Why’re you yelling at me? I’m not the one who forgot to charge the smart phone.

ALMA

Android! 

MOON

Whatever. God! You are such a B-I-... you know what!

Moon turns, sees Whiz, freezes.

MOON (cont’d)

Uh, Alma?

ALMA

Go away, Moon!

MOON

Alma!

ALMA

What?!?!

Alma turns, sees Whiz.

ALMA (cont’d)

Uh, excuse me, lady...but we’re shooting a tv show here, and it’s a closed set. Not open to the public. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please step out of the trunk.

...To Be Continued.

HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVERMIST PART 2

Moon and Alma have come to a deserted race track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands of Lake Superior. They hope to raise the ghost of Honeyboy Jack Schaefer and film it on their smart phone, so that they can get on a paranormal tv show. See previous post for more.

ALMA

Just tell us about Honey Bun.

MOON

Honey Boy! (back to camera) So, I’m standing on the old dirt track where Honey Boy won his last race- before plunging into the ice water mansions of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

Moon! Stick to the script.

MOON

We are summoning the spirit of Honey Boy tonight, and he’s going to help me win tomorrows race.

ALMA

He better.

MOON

Do you really think they’ll break my thumbs if I don’t pay them back?

ALMA

Moon! Don’t bring up loan sharks when the cameras are rolling. And yes, they’ll break your thumbs. They’ll break every bone in your body. 

MOON

I can’t believe you talked me into going to them.

ALMA

I didn’t talk anyone into anything.

MOON

You’re the one who needed the money for the smart phone.

ALMA

It’s called an Android, dumb ass. Smart phone is a generic phrase. And the Android isn’t the problem. We’re four months behind on the rent, the repo man took my car-

MOON

I know, I know! At least I got the cable bill paid so we can watch Breaking Bad.

ALMA

Can we get on with the shoot please?

MOON

Fine! So, on this very spot, on a chilly September night Honey Boy won his last race. I have a picture of him holding the trophy. (pulls photo out of his pants pocket). Can you get a close up of this?

Alma moves in for a close up of the photo.

MOON (cont’d)

As you can see, next to Honey Boy is the love of his life, Whiz Winchester- the fastest lady driver back then. 

ALMA

She’s big- tall as Honey Boy.

MOON

Yep. A tall drink of water.

ALMA

What happened to Whiz after Honey Boy died?

MOON

Nobody knows. Some say she headed south. Some say she killed herself-

Suddenly, the trunk moves as if there is something very powerful inside, knocking Moon on to the ground.

ALMA

Moon, stop goofing around!

MOON

What are you talking about? That thing moved!

ALMA

The trunk?

The trunk moves again.

MOON

Oh my god!

An old car engine revs offstage, loudly. Then several car engines rev- it sounds like a race track right before a race. The sound builds and builds.

ALMA

This is awesome! Go stand by the trunk and tell us about summoning Honey Boy!

MOON

Are you crazy? We have to get out of here!

Suddenly, the sounds stop. Silence. Moon and Alma stare at each other.

ALMA

I think I got all that recorded!

To Be Continued...

HONEYBOY JACK AND THE SILVER MIST PART 1

The middle of a dirt track for stock car racing. MOON, a slacker in his 20’s, comes on grunting and dragging an old steamer trunk to the middle of the stage. He stops, lets the trunk drop.

MOON

Let’s do this. (a beam of light from off stage shines on his face) Howdy. I’m Moon Dog McCoy, and this is “Alma’s Anomalies, Episode One”! It’s about ten to three in the morning,and-

ALMA, Moon’s girlfriend, also in her 20’s, comes running on stage, smart phone in one hand filming Moon, flashlight in the other.

ALMA 

Witching hour! Stick to the script, do it again.

MOON

Do I have to say Alma’s Anomalies?

ALMA

It’s the name of the show, Moon! Kind of important.

MOON

It’s lame.

ALMA

Moon, are you directing this project?

MOON

No, but-

ALMA

Then shut it.

MOON

Alma, this is my deal. I’m the one who found the trunk, I’m the one summoning Honey Boy Jack-

ALMA

You’re the one who’s going to be sleeping on the couch tonight! Just say it the way we practiced,okay?

MOON

Fine!

ALMA

And can you face a little more towards me? I’m losing your voice when you turn too far.

MOON

Is the night vision app working?

ALMA

It’s awesome.

MOON

Is it all green like on Ghost Adventures?

ALMA

Totally. Now, let’s do it again. Go from the intro, and then we’ll do the Q and A with you sitting on the trunk.

MOON

Got it.


Alma moves to the edge of the stage, points phone and flashlight at Moon.

ALMA

Rolling.

MOON

This is Moon Dog McCoy, and this is Alma’s Anomalies. It’s about ten minutes before the Witching Hour. I’m standing in the middle of the old dirt track on Madeline Island, the most haunted of the Apostle Islands.

ALMA

Good, perfect. Now sit on the trunk and tell us about Golden Boy-

MOON

Honey Boy! Honey Boy Jack Schaefer.

ALMA

Fine- Honey Bun Schaefer.

MOON

Not funny. (sits on trunk) This is the fabled trunk that Honey Boy Jack had tied to the roof of his roadster, The Silver Mist, on the night he took his last ride.

ALMA

Can you tell our viewers who Honey Boy was?

MOON

The greatest racer that ever graced the fabled dirt tracks of Wisconsin’s North Woods! Ever! But on the night of his greatest triumph, he vanished into the chilly waters of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

I think it’s Kitchy-Koomi.

MOON

Gitchy-Gummi! Like in “The Wreck of the Evan Fitzgerald”.

ALMA

It’s the Edmund Fitzgerald, not Evan.

MOON

We should use that as the theme song!

ALMA

That’s a song about a ship wreck, not a car wreck.

MOON

It’s a cool song.

ALMA

Just tell us about Honey Bun.

MOON

Honey Boy! (back to camera) So, I’m standing on the old dirt track where Honey Boy won his last race- before plunging into the ice water mansions of Gitchy-Gummi.

ALMA

Moon! Stick to the script.

MOON

We are summoning the spirit of Honey Boy tonight, and he’s going to help me win tomorrows race.


This is the first part of a new ghost play I'm working on. More to come, if the spirits are willing.

HOW TO SUCCEED

Last Thursday night, I wanted to explode. It was the final dress rehearsal for How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying at StageDoor Theatre in Conifer, and things were not going so well. The actors were forgetting their lines. The scene shifts were taking so long they felt like waiting in line at the DMV. The band was hitting a couple of clunkers. And the hardest working actor that night- a young man understudying the lead role of Finch who was set to perform opening night due to the tennis schedule of the other Finch- came down with some sort of virus and almost collapsed during "Brotherhood of Man", the big final number.  We had added twenty minutes to the show- not with new dialogue or bits of business. Just with delay. I really wanted to explode.

But things can, and do, get better.

The understudy Finch had to take the next night off. But the other Finch was available due to not going to State Finals- usually a sad thing but for the show, a godsend. Friday night, we opened. Things started to click. We erased the twenty minutes we had added to the show. The band played sublimely. The cast  got back into the groove of things. And the audience really liked it. By Saturday night, our Finch understudy was back in good health, relatively speaking, and wanted to go on. I looked him in the eye, and asked him is he felt ready. He said yes. It was up to me whether or not we let him perform. I decided to go with it, based on my gut. Something felt right. There was electricity in the air, or something like it. Some weird sort of energy was filling the theatre. I don't know why, but sometimes, in theatre, a strange magic happens. Maybe it happens everywhere, but being a theatre person, I have experienced this rare sorcery through the stage. For whatever reason- hard work, confidence, rehearsal, and/or a set of un-named theatre gods who smile down on us from time to time- there are certain performances and shows that go to this other place- a level of existence where everyone is psychically connected, where every member of the cast is fearless, inspired, and brilliant. Saturday night, How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying became one of those shows. Every single member of that cast took exponential leaps in their performances. I don't remember at exactly what moment I realized that something special was happening, because I was too busy enjoying the show, laughing and clapping and shouting along with the rest of the very enthusiastic crowd. But every time another cast member went the extra mile, it would inspire one of their fellow actors to take an equally daring leap of faith in both themselves and the show.

So now, the show has become one for the ages, one of those productions I will speak of fondly, and tell legends about, and refer to when directing other productions.

As my wife always says, leap and the net shall appear.

NOISES OFF AND RUNNING

For the past few years, I have been going to see shows at the Fine Arts Center Theatre in Colorado Springs. I've seen dramas, comedies, musicals, even a one act that was stage in the museum section of the center- the excellent Lovers Leapt by Leslie Bramm directed by Artistic Director Scott Levy. And every show has been an outstanding piece of theatre. Noises Off, now playing at the FAC, is no exception. It's hilarious, fast paced, and makes you happy to be alive. This production also proves, yet again, that the most consistently excellent professional theatre in Colorado is at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs.

Noises Off is a farce written by super-genius Michael Frayn. It's about a traveling theatre company putting on a farce, and is done in three acts, and from two perspectives. Act one is the final technical rehearsal, and is seen from the point of view of someone sitting in the audience during rehearsal. Act two takes place during a performance of the play, and is seen from the perspective of backstage (complete with the set rotating 180 degrees. Act Three takes place during a particularly disastrous performance, and is again seen from the perspective of someone sitting in the audience. I'm not sure if the play is a lover letter or an indictment to the madness of putting on a show- but either way, it's a delight. To me, what makes this play so funny is how seriously the characters take themselves while they do the most ridiculous things. While the characters and plot may seem absurd to some, they are very, very familiar people and situations to anyone who has ever been in a play.


The show is directed at a break neck pace by Cory Moosman. Farce is considered the hardest form of theatre- but you wouldn't know it from this production. Every move, comic bit, and complicated piece of dialogue is made to seem effortless by the outstanding cast. They are all magnificent, so I will name them all here: Birgitta DePree (Dotty Otley), Sammie Joe Kinnett (Lloyd Dallas), Scott Bellot (Garry Lejeune), Shanna Brock (Brooke Ashton), Joye Cook-Levy (Poppy Norton-Taylor), Max Ferguson (Frederick Fellowes), Casiena Raether (Belinda Blair), Sammy Gleason (Tim Allgood), Michael Miller (Selsdon Mowbray). Equally brilliant and deserving of recognition is the design team. The sound, costumes, props, and in particular set are stunning. They too deserve kudos, and they are: Christopher L. Sheley (Scenic Design), Holly Anne Rawls (Lighting Designer), by Janson Fangio (Costume Designer), Kaetlyn Springer (Properties Designer).

I particularly enjoyed this show because tonight I am opening a production of How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying at StageDoor theatre in Conifer- and many of the antics, frustrations, and joys brought to life in Noises Off have been, and continue to ring so true to me as I work with all these brilliant and insane young actors. 

I hope you all get a chance to see both Noises Off and How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying. Until then, may the force be with you.

YOU'RE JUST FREAKED OUT FROM 9/11

My first play, Last Call, was sort of a 9/11 play. I guess. What really makes a play a 9/11 play? A story about the particular events of that day in regards to the terrorist attacks? A story about people's reactions? A story that takes place anywhere in this world after that day, since we are told over and over how the world changed forever that day? I don't know. I do know it was a weird day, and that the country went insane for awhile. On the advice of Jack Halpin, I took an unfinished play and finished it. I put people in it who were tired and scared and lost. I put in a bartender who took a crucifix and wrapped an American flag around it, so that it looked like Jesus was wearing the flag as a loincloth. And I set the play far, far away from NYC, in the town of Salinas- which might as well have been the other side of the world that day. People seemed to like the play when it got produced by hope theatre, inc. as part of the 2002 New York International Fringe Festival. It won an award, and then got published. Here's a little bit. If you like it, you can buy the whole thing at IndieTheaterNow.

VINCE

Oh, you’re just freaked out from 9-11.  Everything’s gonna be fine.  Relax.  This is a natural reaction.

DAVID

I’m not talking about 9-11.  Not exactly.  I mean, yeah, that freaked me out, and it sucked, and still sucks, but that wasn’t the deciding factor.

JERRY

What the fuck are you talking about?

DAVID

I’m talking about blood and guts and life and death.

JACK

I don’t understand.

DAVID

It’s a long story.

JACK

What is?

DAVID

What happened to me.

JACK

What happened to you?

DAVID

Well, I guess it all started the night I tried to kill myself.

JERRY

You tried to kill yourself?

DAVID

I was going to.

VINCE

So first you’re dying, and now you’re trying to kill yourself?

JACK

What the Hell are you talking about?

           DAVID

It was about three months after 9/11.  After everyone started acting like their normal, boring, creepy selves.

VINCE

Including you?

DAVID

Oh yeah.  Especially me.  Thousands of people dead.  A war on terrorism that just gets curiouser and curiouser.  Anthrax, some kid putting pipe bombs in mail boxes- things are totally fucked up. And there I am, buying this and selling that, closing deals like nothing ever happened.  Keep going on like before.  That’s what everyone said to do to fight the terrorists.  Keep going on like before.  Even if you’re an asshole, keep going on like before.  It’s all so fucked and weird.  You ever feel like nothing makes sense, that time and space are all warped and you’re just sort of floating through it, powerless?

JACK

All the time.

GROOVY, DROWSY CARNAGE- ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN COLORADO

We have a lot of fantastic theatre in Colorado. Which might sound surprising to people, seeing as we are a fairly small state, with a fairly small population. But that population is quite groovy. I was lucky enough to see four outstanding shows in the past month: Hair at Town Hall in Littleton, God of Carnage at the Curious Theatre, and both The Drowsy Chaperone and Jaques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs. All four shows were spectacular, and made me happy to be alive. Sometimes, you see a show, and it's bad. Really bad. And you sit there in your chair, which suddenly feels very uncomfortable, and words like "ponderous" keep floating to the surface of your slowly calcifying brain. But not so with these shows. I felt smarter after watching these shows. Better. Faster. Stronger.  It seemed as if my soul was being fed some sort of ambrosia that gave strength and courage. I believe that's what theatre, and art in general, is supposed to do, even if the subject is sad, gruesome, or horrifying: elevate your spirit, affirm to some degree what it is to be a human being, remind you that no one is alone.

HAIR was a joyous examination of the human spirit, with a solid cast, outstanding band, and rocking, show stopping numbers. GOD OF CARNAGE was wickedly funny, featuring four amazing actors- Karen Slack, Dee Convington, Erik Sandvold, and the always outstanding Timothy McCracken. THE DROWSY CHAPERONE might be the best musical I have seen so far in Colorado- the acting, singing, dancing, direction, design were all superb- and on top of that, Artistic Director Scott Levy stole the show as the Man in Chair. All those shows are closed- but you can still catch JACQUES BREL IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN PARIS, which is playing through this week-end. The show is more of a revue, a tribute to Belgian songwriter Jaques Brel. If you like smart, beautiful songs about life, love, war, peace, old people, young people- well, songs about what it is to be a human being- that are performed with grace, style and humor, then this show is for you. The cast of four- Halee Towne, Lacey Conell, Max Ferguson, and Alejandro Roldan- are exceptional performers, able to conjure entire worlds out of thin air. The show is directed/choreographed at a crackerjack pace by Nathan Halvorson. The band is out-friggin'-rageous. I would have been quite content to  listen to them play until the wee small hours of the morning. The design, as always at the Fine Arts Center, was excellent. If you can, get yourself down there to see yet another fine show at this gem of the Colorado theatre scene.

I myself have a new show opening this week-end- a new version of ROSE RED, which I wrote the book and co-wrote the lyrics for along with Kari Kraakevik, who did music and also co-wrote lyrics. The cast is amazing, the script streamlined, and we are premiering a new song. So, if you are in the Boulder area, please come see the show- which features some of the best young talent in the state.

And last, but not least, I hope you all take a gander at the indiegogo page for my movie Strong Tea. We just put up a new pitch video yesterday, and it's pretty damn funny. To see it, go HERE. If you like what you see- please throw in a couple of bucks, and share the site with all your friends via facebook, twitter, or whatever social media floats your boat. Thanks, and I'll see you at the theatre.

http://igg.me/at/strongtea/x/3385268

TITAN APPETITES

So I shot a short film, and now I am raising funds to finish it. The movie is STRONG TEA. It's a dark comedy about a really horrific family dinner. For whatever reason, most people seem to be able to relate to a Thanksgiving that ends up with screaming and yelling, hurt feelings, and awkward silences. It stars Timothy McCracken, Devon James, and Adrian Egolf. And they are amazing. The footage is so good, and what we have is, in my humble opinion, out of this world. Now, we need to edit, mix, add soundtrack, and then enter film festivals. And, of course, this takes some bucks. So I thought I'd share a little bit of the script, and then give you all the link to the Indiegogo site where you can help in two ways: by either contributing financially, or sharing the link via Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, etc. Naturally, I would love it if you could do both. But any and all help is greatly appreciated. So, here is a little taste of Strong Tea:


INT. KITCHEN - MINUTES LATER
ALVIE STANDS AT THE COUNTER, MAKING A POT OF TEA.  MOLLY ENTERS WITH SOME DISHES, WHICH SHE PLACES BY THE SINK.

MOLLY
I am stuffed.

Alvie looks at several pies laid out on the counter.

ALVIE
Do you think we’ll skip dessert?

MOLLY
We never skip dessert.

ALVIE
Never?

Molly dips her finger in a bowl of whipped cream.

MOLLY
We could each eat a pound of fried grease-

Molly smears some whipped cream Alvie’s cheek.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
Set a pie in front of us-

Molly licks the whipped cream off his face.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
We chow down.

Alvie nervously backs away from Molly.

ALVIE
Your family does have titan appetites.

Molly backs Alvie into a corner.

MOLLY
We like what we like.

Molly leans in very close to Alive, almost nose to nose.

MOLLY (CONT’D)
A lot.

Alvie maneuvers around Molly back to the tea kettle.

ALVIE
Molly, please. What happened was wrong.

Molly nods in agreement.

MOLLY
Yes it was. Fun, dirty and wrong. Of course- I have confessed our sin-

ALVIE
You confessed?!?!

MOLLY
To the Lord, and He has forgiven me.

Molly begins to pull dessert plates out of a cupboard.

ALVIE
The Lord has forgiven you, but not me?

Alvie grabs her by the shoulders.

ALVIE (CONT’D)
You were the one who got into the shower!

MOLLY
I was weak-

ALVIE
While my wife- your own sister- was out getting cigarettes.

Molly backs away from Alvie.

MOLLY
She promised us all she quit!


So that's a little bit of the script. I hope you liked it. Now, if you go HERE, you can see our Indiegogo page, and help make this movie a reality.

AVENGER, VON DOOMER, AND DARK KNIGHT DETECTIVE

I used to live in a castle. Castle Von Doom. This was when I ran with wolves, always went over the limit (4 rocks and  a shot) and had many battles with the Dreaded Egg Lady of Yorkville. And one my my closest compatriots in these glorious salad days was Vinnie. We met during a production of Hamlet, which was being done as part of the fabled Shakespeare in the Park(ing) Lot. I was replacing another actor as the Player King, Fortinbras, and Bernardo. Vinnie was, among other roles, the Player Queen. One night early in the rehearsal process, Vinnie and I decided to grab a beer at Motor City, a bar on the at the time desolate Ludlow Street on the Lower East Side. We hadn't really hung out at all before, and figured what the hell? Instantly, we realized we were both uber-nerds with lots of interests in common- comic books, The Simspons, Weezer. We laughed our asses off for a long time that night. Many drinks into the evening, I announed to Vinnie that I had powers. Super powers. Vinnie did not believe me. I pointed to the only other person in the place, an attractive girl sitting at the bar, and started making "come to me" gestures, while also saying "come to me" over and over. Vinnie laughed, as did I. I turned back to Vinnie- who's face suddenly looked surprised- because the girl walked up to the table, and asked if she could sit with us. We said "Yes!" She told us her name was Ziggy. We nodded. She said she lived near there. We nodded. She left. Vinnie looked at me like I was crazy, asked me why I didn't leave with her- sadly, booze gives courage and stupidity in equal shares. I ran out of the bar- but Ziggy had vanished in the night. We decided she must have been a succubus, and I was lucky to be alive.

After that night, we were fast friends. Many nights we spent at rehearsal, at Motor City, and also literally jumping from roof top to rooftop, running across the FDR at sunrise after an all nighter, and working on some fantastic theatre- The Seagull, Henry V, Last Call. We quickly gave ourselves, and our circle of friends, many new names from different universes. In the DC universe, Vinnie was Batman, I was Superman. We figured out who would be which hero in both the Avengers, as well as the larger Marvel Universe. We were gloriously mad. We became room mates after about a year- Vinnie, me, and my brother Jerry. We named the place Castle Von Doom. The parties there were legendary. As time went on, we got a little older. I still remember, clear as a bell, taking a cab home one night after rehearsing Muse of Fire. Vinnie asked me what I thought about Shannon- a girl who he would go one to marry and who is one of the most excellent people in the world.

These days, we live far apart with families and all that. No matter. He is one of my best friends, and I know if I ever need him, all I need do is face the east and cry "Avengers Assemble!"

His birthday is today. Thanks, universe, for this wonder of a man.

And here's a link on the latest about ROSE RED and MOON OVER BUFFALO:
http://squeakystheatrepage.blogspot.com/2013/05/moon-rises-tonight-rose-blooms-in-june.html

RECKLESS AND INSANE

We open MOON OVER BUFFALO at the Wolf Theatre Academy at the Denver JCC this Wednesday. It's going well. No, it's going fantastically. What is really amazing is watching these young lions of the theatre figure the show out- to see their eyes grow wide when a comic moment occurs to them, they try it, and it works. I swear, sometimes I think I can see them literally grow taller on stage.  I learn so much from my students. I think the world would be a better place if everyone, for just a month, had to teach young people. Anyhow, we are having a blast, the show is hilarious, and the piece has a gigantic heart. The glee is palpable. The show itself is a love letter to theatre, to being brave and scared and inspired and crazy. Happily, everyone involved in the show loves the theatre as much, if not more, than I do. Every rehearsal, we find something new. Every rehearsal, someone takes a risk, finds a greater truth, and adds to the show. I think the essence of the show is said best in a monologue the character George has in Act Two. It goes like this:

"Think, woman! Think for a minute! Use your brain! Think of all the fun we have together. Rambling from town to town like minor royalty. Signing autographs and doing interviews. My God, you'll be laughing about my entrance as Cyrano for months! And think of the joy you give to thousands of people every week. As Amanda and Roxane. Lady Bracknell and Eliza Doolittle. Youre and actress, Charlotte. It's in your veins. If you were caught in the spotlight of a runaway train, you'd break in to a time step. It's a gift to be so reckless and insane. There are people out there in the darkness who are living through you. Dreaming of what they can be through your voice."

So if you are around Denver this week, come to the show and share the love, the joy, the reckless insanity. For details, click HERE.

MOON OVER THE J

I'm directing a production of Moon Over Buffalo at the Denver JCC right now. Most students call the JCC "the J", and I have picked up the habit. Nicknames are funny like that. They creep into your consciousness like ninjas, and before you know it, you have a new word in your vocabulary. I didn't consciously say to myself "I'm going to call the JCC the J". It just happened, and that was that. Nicknames are like that- someone makes an off-handed remark, calls someone or something by another name, it sticks, and next thing you know, a nickname is born. And you can't force them, or request people call you something and think it will work. I have a friend who once, when we were all younger and, if possible, goofier, announced that he wanted to be called Ace. It didn't happen. Not that you can't take a new name, a new persona, or whatever. It just has to stick. I have a student who for several weeks in the Fall would say, for comic effect, "I'm offended". I began to call her "Offended". She liked it, the name stuck, and that became her nickname. I myself have had many nicknames: Mick, Mac, Mackie-Doodle (my wife's favorite), and Mr. Squeaky- a name given to me by one of my all time best students ever, which stuck immediately and which a lot of young actors still think is my actual name.

But I digress. What I wanted to write about today is Moon Over Buffalo, and what it's like directing a backstage farce. But there is a connection, and that is the idea of things either sticking or not. In a farce, you try all sorts of bits- little moments that hopefully propel the show forward in a manner that is justified in the world of the play, intensifying the situation and upping the stakes. Some bits stick, some do not. We are finally getting to the point where things are sticking, jokes are getting funny, and characters are filling out. Comedy is a work out, and we are running our butts off in this one. One of the great joys of directing young people is when a show starts to click, and you see that they know it's starting to click. They stand taller. Their confidence explodes. And they begin taking risks on stage- which is vital in any production.

So now we have a show- a door slamming, frantic, fast paced comedy. We play May 8-12. Click HERE for tix.

And don't forget, if you are an aspiring young actor, to sign up for ROSE RED, which will be having a run in June at SOFA, with two casts- one ages 8-12, and one ages 12-18. Next auditions are May 13 & May 20, both from 5:30-7:30. Email info@offbroadwayfinearts.org for a slot.

And coming soon to your digital reader: APRIL'S FOOL.

STILL SHE HAUNTS ME, PHANTOMWISE

Phantomwise. What a cool word. Thanks, Lewis Carroll. Or is it Mr. Dodgson? Whomever you are, your brain was superb. And I am haunted by many things, phantomwise. You can tell, if you read most of my stuff. I have all these people and places and songs and memories running rampant in my head, like some mad tribe of loonies- and whenever I am writing, they leap out of my head, escaped convicts wrongfully imprisoned in my mind. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but it's certainly true for me. If you come to the reading tonight of my latest play, APRIL'S FOOL, at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs, you'll see what I mean. It's at 7:30, and tickets are only $5. So what's you're excuse? The only person I am giving a hall pass to for missing tonight is my good friend Timothy McCracken, and that is because he is appearing in the Curious Theatre's God of Carnage- which by all accounts rocks, and you should all go see. (just don't see it tonight- come see my reading tonight)

So, since the play has so many phantoms, I thought I'd tell you about the one time I ever saw a ghost. Well, two ghosts, really. It was long ago and far away in the land called New York City. I was living on the upper east side, in this apartment that was given the name Castle Von Doom by the great Vinnie Penna. Lots of crazy things happened there- parties, people, moments in time that are part of the make up of a lot of people. It was this split level apartment with one true bedroom, and its own backyard, which is beyond rare in NYC. At one time or another, over twenty artists have lived there. When I met the ghosts, I was splitting the downstairs area with my brother Jerry. One night, Jerry was snoring loud enough to raise the dead- which seems to not be a figure of speech but what actually happened. I was laying in bed, yelling at him to please stop snoring. It was somewhere near 3 am. All of a sudden, I felt very calm, and sort of other-worldly. I can't really describe exactly what it was like- a sort of quiet feeling, as if I was watching what was happening to me from far away. There was a spiral stairway in the apartment, and something was moving on it. I turned, and saw a young girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old, and a little boy, maybe 5 or 6, coming down the stairs. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, the girl in front and the boy peeking out from behind her. We looked at each other for what seemed like a very long time, and then the girl spoke. "Don't be afraid", she said. "We just want you to know we are here. And there are many of us." She seemed very at peace. The boy did not. He looked kind of crazy- the crazy that happens to people who have had very bad things happen to them. I got the sense they were brother and sister. But I don't know. Then the girl said "We want to show you". And I was- well, given a vision. It was weird. I was still sitting in my bed, but they were showing me this huge room, full of people frozen in these strange positions. When I say the room was huge, I mean somewhere between a ball room and Grand Central Station. I can still see, clearly, this one lady frozen in emotion- either laughing or crying. Ever notice how similar the two are? Then, just as quickly, the vision was gone, and I was again sitting in my bed, and the two children were standing at the bottom of the stairs. Then they walked up the stairs, and sort of vanished as they climbed. And then I freaked out. I woke my brother up, who somehow slept through the entire thing.

I did not sleep that night.

So maybe I'm crazy. But that happened.

Come see the reading tonight and ask me about it. Again, it's at 7:30, at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs.

THE SPARROWS ARE FALLING All OVER THE PLACE

"I’ve been the Queen of Broken Hearts long enough!" - April

So Saturday, APRIL'S FOOL had it's first public reading ever, at the Fine Arts Center of Colorado Springs as part of the Rough Writers new play festival. It was fantastic. The cast- Nick Henderson, Jessica Parnello, Crystal Carter, Matthew Wessler, and Michelle Sharpe- were brilliant, the director - Crystal Carter- outstanding, and the overall experience very positive. They all kicked it in the ass. Seriously. These are some of the best Colorado has to offer. If you are anywhere near- and I mean like two hundred miles- the FAC in Colorado Springs and don't come to the reading this Friday, you might be what is technically known as a moron.


"We’re killing the pinball machine. Do you think it’ll fit out the window?" - Ahab


 I always feel like throwing up when I hear a new work of mine done for the first time. I don't get nerves when I act, or when I watch a show I directed. But when it's something I've written- all bets are off. But if it goes well, that feeling is quickly replaced with euphoria, triumph, and egotism.

"I am so stupid! Things are just starting to go my way, I finally get a break- and I go and kill my boyfriend!" - Moira

Now I take what I learned from hearing it out loud in front of people, make whatever re-writes I deem necessary, and we do it again this Friday at 7:30. What did I learn? First off, it seems like most people can relate to feeling unhinged in time, confused about their lives, and not quite sure what has happened to them. Go figure. On top of that, there are some tweaks to dialogue that should make it flow smoother- although, for whatever reason, dialogue seems to be one of my strongest suits as a writer. And the last scene needs something- a little more redemption or madness or I am not sure what, but there is a line or scene or event that hasn't happened yet that has to happen. I can feel it. A lot of times, when I write a play, there is some scene that comes late that ties everything together, sends it to the next level, connects the dots. In Muse of Fire, it's the scene where Dion and Mick drive to the ocean. In Last Call, it's a game of hide and seek that David and Jack play in a grave yard. Somewhere in the ether is that scene for April's Fool, waiting to say hello, to drop to the ground like a provident sparrow. I might find it today, or a month from now, but it's on it's way. Trust me.

"I gotta tell you- the coveralls, the whole hot bad girl at work thing? Daddy like." - Jaypes

I like this play. A lot. It's weird and funny and fantastical. It's got gods and dreams and murder by pinball. And a little bit of love, just for good measure.

Also on it's way, the next production of ROSE RED, at SOFA in Boulder. If you are a young performer and want to have one of the best June's of your life, be in this show.  It will kick you in the ass, and make you a super genius. Auditions are May 13 and May 20. Go here for more info:
http://www.offbroadwayfinearts.org/summer-stage-2013/

And this July, BURNING THE OLD MAN gets it's West Coast premiere at 2X4 BASH at the Western Stage in Salinas, CA. I did a lot of theatre there when I was starting out, including a three part, nine hour long version East of Eden that changed my life. It's a great theatre company, and to have one of my plays done there is very exciting to me. Come out and see it- if you do, I'll take you to the beach and buy you a soda.

"A foodie versed in Norse mythology, dressed as a clown, killed by a pinball machine, asking me out for drinks. Strange." - Norn

By the way- all the plays mentioned in this are available now, or soon will be, on INDIE THEATER NOW. So do us both a favor and buy a play for less than two bucks.

APRIL'S ENTANGLED FOOLS

I keep changing the title of my latest play. I find this fitting, since reality keeps shifting in the play itself. It began life as "Don't Get Too Comfy, Pal", morphed into "Mathurine", and is currently titled "April's Fool"- but I am considering going with "Entanglement". We shall see.

Whatever the title, it is going to be part of the Rough Writers new play fest down at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs. I am very excited. There is nothing like hearing your play out loud to figure out what works, what needs tweaking, and what needs to go. The festival runs April 18-28, and will consist of readings of several new works- all inspired in one way or another by art works that will be on display at the FAC.  I actually used two art works- a charcoal sketch and a porcelain axe. I am so excited to be part of this festival, for many reasons. First and foremost- I like having my stuff read out loud in front of people. It's my drug of choice. Second, I love the work they do at FAC, and know they will kick it in the ass. Third, my instincts- those voices that whisper to me from some distant star- tell me this is going to be a pivotal experience in my life. Groovy.

The play keeps evolving- tightening up and expanding at the same time. It has taken on a life of it's own. It walks the night. I keep trusting my instincts and leaping, hoping the net will appear. So far, so good.

Here is a little taste, from Act One. At an April Fool's costume party, Ahab has just found out that Moira, the girl he loves/obsesses over, is getting married to Jay- whom Ahab alternately calls Jaypes and/or Dickhead.  A mysterious woman named Norn enters. They are both dressed as jesters.
 

AHAB

Nice outfit. Who’re you supposed to be?

NORN

Mathurine.

AHAB

Who the hell is Mathurine?

NORN

Real life jestress to three kings of France.

AHAB

Jestress?

NORN

Lady jester.

AHAB

I see.

NORN

She was a hero. Saved a kings life once. And you?

AHAB

Oh. I’m Hop-Frog. Another jester. Not from real life, though. From Poe.
You know, Edgar Allen Poe?

NORN

I do.

AHAB

Hop Frog was a fool. And in love with the beautiful Trippetta. Sadly, Hop Frog worked for this king who was a total dickhead. The king had been especially cruel to the beautiful Tripetta. Among other things, he threw a glass of wine in her face and then smacked her. Pow! Right in the kisser. So Hop-Frog decided to teach him a lesson. The king threw a costume party. Hop-Frog suggested King Dickhead and several of his fellow dickheads dress up like orangutans, and have Hop-Frog lead them around in chains like he was their keeper or something. And King Dickhead thought that was a great idea! So the night of the party, the King and his buddies put on their orangutan costumes, and then Hop-Frog tied them up.

NORN

Why did they let him tie them up?

AHAB

Because they’re stupid. Haven’t you ever noticed how the rich and powerful are, for the most part, morons?

NORN

I find stupidity does not confine itself to the ruling class.

AHAB

Yeah. Well, anyway, there they were, dressed up like monkeys-

NORN

Orangutans.

AHAB

Orangutans. And then, in front of all the party guests, Hop-Frog lit King Dickhead and his asshole buddies on fire. Burned them to a crisp. And Hop-Frog and Tripetta lived happily ever after. The end.

NORN

That’s a sad story.

AHAB

Just goes to show, you should never wear a costume that you have to explain.

It's a weird little tale, and keeps getting weirder. I have no idea what will happen next. At the moment, I think I'm going to end it with a mad tea party. But what do I know?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT PEACE, LOVE, AND MERCIFUL STORIES?

I went to the Colorado premiere of Jon Robin Baitz's play Other Desert Cities at the Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center Friday night with some trepidation. Not about the production- I have seen virtually every show they have done for the past two seasons, and each show- to a one- has been excellent. No, the reason I felt a little anxious was because one of my companions that night happens to be a staunch Republican, and this show deals with a conservatives and liberals- and I wrongly assumed it would be slanted towards the liberal side of things. Of course, my fears were unfounded, the play outstanding, and we all had a fantastic time.

Other Desert Cities is not a play about political ideas, but about human beings dealing with each other, their past, and how it affects the present. It is a kind, funny, sad, thrilling night of theatre, and if you have any brains, heart and/or soul, you will get your ass down to the Springs and catch this gem of a show.

The plays takes place at the plush Palm Springs home of Lyman and Polly Wyeth, a conservative couple in their waning years who once were among the Illuminati of the GOP. At the top of the play, it's Christmas Eve, and daughter Brooke, a fairly neurotic and seriously depressed writer, has come home- ostensibly for the holiday, but in actuality to show mom and dad the manuscript for her latest book- a tell all memoir. The memoir is about a family tragedy that tore the family apart in the 1970's, which most would like to recover from, but sadly, Brooke can not. Also present at this gathering are Brooke's younger brother Trip, a reality show producer, and liberal Aunt Silda- who is a semi-recovering alcoholic and the antithesis of her sister Polly in every way. As the play progresses, layers are peeled away, and nobody is as easily categorized as we think. As is painfully often the case, there are no good guys and bad guys, just people struggling to understand each other and find some solace in a rather cruel world.

The play is both laugh-out-loud funny and quietly-wipe-away-a-tear sad, and director Scott RC Levy moves it along at a break neck pace. Levy creates a family we all can relate to- slightly crazy, loving, infuriating, and scary. The cast is uniformly excellent. Daniel Noel, as patriarch Lyman, is a wonder to behold. He has this fantastic presence. His performance is subtle, moving, and powerful. He's one of those actors who can with the slightest look or move tell you everything you need to know about a character.  Leah Chandler-Mills is fantastic as matriarch Polly, who hilariously and tragically tries desperately to keep up appearances of normalcy despite all evidence to the contrary. Sammy Gleason plays younger son Trip- a sort of serio-comic modern version of Happy from Death of a Salesman. Gleason is a dynamic performer, and can turn on a dime from comedy to tragedy. Kate Berry, as Brooke, is excellent, giving Brooke pathos, along with a bit of righteous indignation that is both understandable, but also infuriating. Her journey is the spine of the show, and she makes is exhilarating. Stealing the show with ease is Birgitta De Pree as Silda. De Pree owns the stage, prancing around like a deranged rock star who has escaped rehab. Silda has a lot of sharp dialogue, and De Pree delivers is perfectly. She does not sugar coat her character, but rather gives us a fully realized mess of a woman who you alternately want to hug, throttle, and then hug again. The design is outstanding- set designer Christopher L. Sheley has created a home the looks like it was literally pulled out of it's foundations and brought to the stage. It captures perfectly that pseudo Frank Llyod Wright look so common to the affluent areas of California- my home state. Lights by Holly Anne Rawls perfectly capture the desert sky, especially the sunsets. And the costumes by Janson Fangio were perfect, enhancing each character with a look to match their personalities.

So let me say this one more time: If you are anywhere near Colorado Springs, get your ass down to the Fine Arts Center and see this show.

VESPERS IN BRAZIL, LUNATICS IN BOULDER

Saturday, As Cinzas do Velho (Buring the Old Man) opens in Sao Paolo, Brazil. The production looks to be fantastic. The director, Luis Artur Nunes, calls the play "Poetic Realism". I really like that. The cast is Alexandre Cruz, Marcelo Braga, Antonielo Canto, Ricardo Ripa, Livia Camargo, and Leandro Madeiros. They are going to kick it in the ass. Here is a trailer:

Last Saturday, my class in Boulder presented some work. Here they are, with a piece they created themselves. They too, kick it in the ass.