BEAUTY AND TERROR

The dreams all ran off this morning. Jumped over the moon while looking for the dish and spoon. And I woke up extra early for no reason. Well, I did go to sleep a little earlier than usual. But only a little. I always feel a bit robbed when I can't remember my dreams. Like a message from my spirit guides got lost in the mail or something. Sometimes, as I wake, I can feel them fading, can remember them for just a moment, and then they're gone. As if they had substance and were physically taken from me. I wonder if there is a cabin out there somewhere, full of forgotten dreams. A country sized cabin, a world, full of me flying and being in old places that aren't really those old places but an amalgamation of other places that only make sense in the dream world.

We watched JoJo Rabbit last night. I've been wanting to see that since I first saw a trailer for it at the Alamo Draft House (my favorite movie theatre). I blew me away. So funny and original and exciting and sad and tragic. That's the kind of film I would like to make. Sort of a farcical magic realism period fable from a modern perspective that's both intelligent and heartfelt. And so damn funny. I think it's streaming now, so if you can, watch it. Fables of courage in times of madness seem like a good idea right now. And it has a fantastic quote in it which I think applies to us all more than ever.

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

Speaking of which, it's almost the end of the month. Bills are coming due. Energy, water, phone, internet, cable, credit cards, and mortgage. What are we going to do? I know, the stimulus. And yes, that's a good thing and I'm glad it passed, though I'm not sure yet what all it means other than that one time check. I hear artists might be able to apply for grants. And that there are small business loans at zero rate. I hear lots of things. But what will actually happen? How hard will it be to get these things? What will we all do at the end of next month? I think I heard that we will be in isolation until at least the end of April now. So much for the Easter uprising. I think, as this grinds along, we are going to have to rethink our economic system. Completely.

I remember, shortly after 9/11, standing on the balcony of a friends apartment in NYC, talking about the world, what had just happened, what to expect, and so on. This was right after, when you could still smell the electrical fires from downtown and there were army dudes in the subway stations and it felt for a brief moment like wartime. My girlfriend had just gotten a radical masectomy and was in chemo, and had caught pneumonia after that day of the attacks, being young starving artists we had no insurance, and things looked a bit bleak. My friend conjectured that the world would either go in one of two directions: towards the anarchic dystopia of movies like The Road Warrior, or towards the Utopian world of Star Trek. I think about that conversation a lot these days. I vote for the Star Trek world. We can start by doing the Andrew Yang thing of guaranteed income paired with the Warren/Bernie thing of universal healthcare. Seems like a huge portion of the world would be better off, happier, and healthier- and this would trickle up, down, and all around. I'm sure there would still be problems- Klingons, Tribbles, and such- but we would all be better equipped to deal with them.

So. Another Monday. Only it's not like Monday used to be. Not going back to the grind Monday, no sleeping in Monday, no it's-a-whole-week-until-the-week-end Monday. It's just a day that starts with the Sun rising, the dog needing to be let out, and a world that seems cleaner of late quietly spinning.

Time to explore the inner soul a bit, tend to our garden, and write my story.

Here's a song. It is a bit of a spoiler if you haven't seen JoJo Rabbit. So watch the movie first!